there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
wow bdsm is so cute
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
