i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
