around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
These tits shall not be calmed
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
