I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
