So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
