We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
