quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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