I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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