My pussy is not your playground.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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