Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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