jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My life is pants optional.
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