We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
