my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
