I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
