when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize