I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
