Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There r osticjed everywhere
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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