I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
