my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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