At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
