If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
