We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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