as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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