I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
