um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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