I wanna passion pit in your ass
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
