i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
