Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize