Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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