The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
