sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
