he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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