YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
