Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize