but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
