I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just invented taco cereal.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
