Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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