I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
