I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
