3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
