YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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