I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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