Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
