I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The air was thick with penises
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
