Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
