I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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