She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize