I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
