Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
