I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
