How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
