I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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