Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
worst night to have a conscience
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
not ubering you a puppy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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