is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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