She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
