I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
