dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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