Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
