i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
