so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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