Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
