he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
